


Weedchopper Harry

by loupgarou1750 (LoupGarou)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-24
Updated: 2004-07-24
Packaged: 2017-10-11 23:59:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/118583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoupGarou/pseuds/loupgarou1750
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has detention. Snape interrupts. Innuendo and then some, ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Herbology Garden

_Swish_. THUD. _Swish_. THUD. _Swish_. THUD.

From a reasonably comfortable perch atop a stone wall and in the shade of a large tree, Severus Snape watched Harry Potter swinging a hoe. The boy was shirtless and barefoot, clad only in a snug-fitting pair of Muggle jeans. _Really, not such ridiculous clothing as I've thought. Looks comfortable. Practical for this sort of work. Remarkable how it hugs his . . ._ Snape settled himself a little more firmly on the wall.

The monotonous _Swish_ THUD was, at this distance, pleasantly muted and a little hypnotic. Equally hypnotic was the sight of back and arm muscles tensing and releasing with each swing. Snape shifted a bit, drawing his robes up off his legs, exposing thin but shapely calves, bony knees, and just a hint of also thin but shapely thighs. The new arrangement of his robes covered him decently and yet allowed the spring breeze to cool regions that had become uncomfortably warm while he watched the working youth.

"Really, Potter," Snape said aloud, "that's not the most effective use of your tool."

Potter, of course, couldn't hear him. Completely oblivious of his professor's inspection, he swung his hoe in vicious strokes more appropriate for one wielding an axe. He cursed angrily while decapitating invading weeds in the Herbology garden.

 _Swish_. "Sod," THUD. "Snape." _Swish_. "Sod," THUD "Voldemort." _Swish_ "Sod," THUD "the Dursleys." _Swish_ "Sod," THUD "Dumbledore." On and on and on he worked, sodding everybody he could think of - RonandHermione, McGonagall, Hagrid, the entire Order of the Phoenix, every Death Eater that lived or ever had lived. Even the late Sirius and Cedric did not miss his imprecations. He wasn't truly angry, just letting off the steam that built up from fulfilling expectations of the Boy-Who-Lived

Atop his high wall, Snape flinched as Potter nearly decapitated a particularly fine specimen of mallow. There had been several near misses and yet Potter had not once slashed anything other than weeds.

"It is somewhat heartening to see the precision of your stroke." Some undercurrent in that sentence caused Professor Snape to squirm a little in his seat. "Surprising how warm it is, even in the shade," Snape said. "Unaccountably warm, given the relative temperature."

Snape fell silent again, continuing to watch Potter, not failing to notice how _sweaty_ hard-labour made the boy. Sweat and flying dirt from the end of his hoe combined on the lad's torso resulting in dark rivulets that served to emphasize the solid musculature.

"I wonder if all that energy could be put to better use," Snape mused. As he watched Potter's wild swings an idea formed in his mind. "Yes, that should work admirably," Snape said. "All it needs is the appropriate opportunity, which is sure to come momentarily."

Potter's unique use of the hoe was starting to tire him. Each downstroke became a little less angry, a little more wild.

"Ease up, Harry," Potter said to himself. "You're going to wind up mangling something important. If you wind up chopping off some useful ingredient for Snape's pet poison you'll be serving detentions for the rest of your life."

As the words left his mouth a poorly aimed stroke slashed the yellow flowering head of a particularly healthy plant. The _swish_ THUD stopped as Potter inspected the golden flowers now littering the earth.

"For fuck's sake, that's probably torn it. I wonder what I just killed."

"POTTER! YOU IMBECILE!" The voice came from far away yet was unmistakably angry, and unmistakably Snape's.

Uh oh. An almost pleasant frisson of terror rippled down Harry's spine.

Harry snapped his head around and watched in amazement as Professor Snape jumped gracefully off the wall and strode forcefully toward the garden, black robes billowing around him.

"Where did _he_ come from?" Potter shook his head morosely. "Looked like a great bloody bat coming off that wall. Who the hell wears black robes in this heat? Isn't it just my luck he was watching me. Sneaky bastard." Harry briefly considered using his wand to clear away the evidence but he knew it was pointless. Never once had lack of visible proof deterred the greasy git from venting his spleen on the Boy-Who-Lived.

Surprisingly, Harry grinned as he leaned tiredly on his hoe. He was sure to catch bloody hell but it might be worth it for the sheer, malicious pleasure of destroying something Snape prized. Besides which, a righteously angry Snape was a pleasure to behold. From a distance.

As Snape halved the distance between wall and garden, the expression on Potter's face became clear. In place of the look of abject terror Snape was expecting, he saw mingled resignation and amusement. _You really are most peculiar, Potter._

Realizing that if he could see Potter's face, Potter could see his, Snape did a quick internal check, verifying that his own features displayed anger and disgust, rather than appreciation and lust. _Right. Brow furrowed, lips down-turned. Can I feel the glare? Yes, glare in place. Perhaps we should sneer instead of just frown? Not yet? Fine. We'll save that for later. Maintain expression, watch where you're walking instead of the boy. You'd look a damn fool if you tripped now, Severus._

Harry continued to lean on his hoe and watched the swift approach of the irate Potions master.

 _How does he do that? The man doesn't walk, he glides. Really graceful. Not bad looking from this perspective. He could have a brilliant social life if he just kept a hundred yards back from everyone at all times. I wonder if he has a social life. I wonder if he has a sex life. Eww. Don't go there. Snape. Sex._ Harry shuddered. _Snape. Sex. Sex. Snape._ Harry shivered.

Snape looked up from his path. Harry was only a hundred feet away now. Snape was startled to see the boy's expression had changed from resignation and amusement to. . . _appreciation_? Snape stumbled and, unable to regain proper footing on the uneven path, fell, banging his knees painfully.

Harry laughed.

Snape's feigned anger quickly shifted to the very real petulance of the properly mortified. Before he could manifest a suitably scathing remark strong hands grabbed his and yanked him forcefully back to his feet. Back to his feet and flush against the sweaty chest of Harry Potter. If the rigid Severus Snape had been even remotely capable of it, he might have swooned.

He was, of course, completely incapable of such a ridiculous display. Placing both hands against Potter's chest, careful to avoid the perky brown nipples nestled in a sparse patch of attractively curly, damp hair, he pushed the boy violently backward.

"I am quite capable of standing without your aid, Potter," he hissed.

"Really?" Harry asked, amiably. "Didn't look that way to me. My mistake, obviously. Sorry ‘bout that."

Snape's disdainful glare was cut short at the sight of Harry bending over to pick something up off the ground. _Really, those jeans are quite. . ._

"You dropped this," said Harry, holding Snape's wand up. "Don't expect you use your _wand_ much. Still, must come in handy occasionally.

Something indefinable rippled through Snape's body. _He did not just say wand in a particularly suggestive manner_.

"You know, I'm extremely good with my own wand. Famous for my wand work actually. I could give you a few pointers, if you like."

"POTTER!" Snape didn't actually mean to bellow, he had been striving for scathing condescension but had miscalculated a bit. He scaled back. "Potter." Much better, nice quiet, forceful hiss. "That plant you destroyed . . ."

"Oh right. One of yours then? Sorry about that."

". . . was an extremely rare and valuable specimen of Guillenia lasiophylla, which you beheaded before it had a chance to seed, thereby ruining research on a potentially life-saving potion. You are without a doubt, the most imbecilic, feckless, indolent . . ."

Harry held up his right hand. "Yeah. OK. I get it, Snape. I'm stupid and careless. I do think indolent is a bit much though. I've been working my arse off for hours."

" _Professor_ Snape, Potter." Snape snarled. It was a weak response, really, but Snape was rather taken aback that Potter had translated "imbecilic, feckless, indolent," into, "stupid, careless, and lazy." One might almost think the boy had glanced through a thesaurus.

"So, that Gahena-whatever, valuable plant, was it?"

"Guillenia lasiophylla. Extremely valuable, Potter. One which I had great difficulty acquiring from the Western United States, and which is exceedingly difficult to propagate." There were more lies in that statement than truths. Not that Snape was bothered by that in the least. The plant was common California mustard. Grew like the weed it was all over that state. It had sprung up in the Herbology garden as a volunteer, probably a single seed accidently mixed in with a parcel of something else. It had some medicinal value, but no more than any other in the Brassicaceae family, or at least none that Snape knew.

"Right. So, any way I can make it up to you, or is it another detention?"

Snape was gratified to see Potter looking remorseful. His plan, hastily formed on the wall, seemed to be working. Ridiculous how easy it was to manipulate the boy. A little guilt. The promise of a little penance, a little redemption . . . the boy was as good as shagged already.

"I doubt there is any more room in your schedule for additional detentions, Potter."

"So, I'll just make it up to you another way, shall I?"

 _The boy is very quick on the uptake but exactly who is manipulating whom, Severus?_

"Nice quick shag, then?"

Snape's suspicious black eyes bored into Potter's guileless green ones.

"Your skills as a legilimens seemed to have improved remarkably, Mr Potter."

"What? Ohhh." Snape was amused by the unfamiliar look of comprehension in Potter's eyes. "Brilliant! When? Now? Here?" Harry looked down at himself ruefully. "I'm a bit gritty."

It was true. Harry could certainly have used a bath but Snape was rather taken with the notion of a pre-moistened Potter.

"Here? No. It's a tad too warm and bright here, not to mention Madam Sprout." Snape shuddered at the thought of the hearty Herbology teacher discovering them _in flagrante_."

"Too bright? You could use a little sun-induced color, Snape."

"Do _not_ address me as _Snape_ , Potter. I detest being called by my surname. You may use Professor Snape, or Sir, or," Snape rolled his eyes, "in light of the impropriety which we are about to commit, Severus."

"You could use a little sun-induced color, Severus." Harry was grinning broadly.

Snape made a breathy little noise which _almost_ sounded like a laugh.

"Please, Mr Potter, consider my reputation. It would be difficult to maintain my "creature of the night" persona if I suddenly came all over "pool-boy" brown."

Potter's laugh was pleasant. Snape was exceedingly annoyed with himself for wanting to hear it again. He frowned disapprovingly.

"A fearsome reputation is a valuable thing for a professor. I will not risk mine for a quick shag in the hay."

Potter snorted. "There's not a bloody haystack for miles, hasn't been for centuries." He look at Snape speculatively and grinned again. "I suppose you've gone all nostalgic for your childhood suddenly."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Yes. Yes. Very witty, Potter. You did say you wanted to shag, didn't you?"

Harry smiled widely and attempted to pull Snape down to a pile of weeds.

"Ah ah," Snape chided. "Don't be greedy. Let us go in there." Snape waved vaguely toward the dark line of trees in the distance.

"B-but that's the Forbidden Forest!" Harry gasped childishly.

"And?"

 _Snape's really good at that whole uncontrolled exasperation thing._

"It's, well, it's . . ." Harry bit his lower lip and then let it tremble slightly. ". . . forbidden!"

Harry made a surprisingly good ingenue.

"So is what I am about to do to you, Potter." Snape pointed a long, elegant finger at the path that disappeared under the trees. "Go. Now. Before I come to my senses."

"But it's dark," Harry pouted, "and I, naturally enough, like the light."

"I don't want to shag you in the Forbidden Forest because I'm a Death Eater, Potter." Snape's eyes rolled back so far in his head only the whites showed. "I want to shag you in there because it is more conveniently located than my rooms, there is less chance of us being discovered, and frankly, because I don't really fancy burning my arse."

Harry batted his eyelashes. "What makes you think it's _your_ arse that would be getting burned. Nudge. Nudge. Wink. Wink.

"You know, if you keep doing that rolling your eyes thing one day they're going to get stuck."

"So my mother repeatedly informed me." Snape said dryly.

Harry continued as if Snape had said nothing. "You'd end up looking like a zombie. Course you'd keep that whole creature of the night thing going, so, no harm done, what?" He waved his hands expansively. "Keep on." Harry's eyes widened. "Hold on a minute! You had a mother?"

"Potter I suggest you take very good care of your body because no one could ever admire you for your mind. You really are the most ridiculous twit."

Harry's glare was spoiled by the upward curve of his lips. "Yeah, well, I've enough brain to know you don't insult a prospective partner like that and still expect to be shagged." He pointed his finger in the general area of Snape's crotch. _Really, it was so hard to guage precisely under those robes._ "The little Potions Mister has gone off the idea then? Pity that." Harry patted Snape's bum sympathetically. "So that's what it's like when you get old, eh?"

Snape bristled. There were so many things wrong with this conversation, it was hard to know where to begin. "Little Potions Mister" was quite offensive. "Old" only marginally less so. Surprisingly, the Little Potions Mister himself didn't seem offended at all. He perked right up with the mention.

Snape sighed. "We can stand here all day bickering, Mr Potter, or, we can adjourn to yon dark wood and wave our foolish wands. Now really, which would you prefer?"

Harry opened his mouth, closed it again and, turning on his heel, started walking determinedly toward the forest.

Snape smiled. "Before you go, Mr Potter, a few ground rules are in order."

Harry turned and glared murderously at Snape. "I see. It's only me that has to shut up then? You can blather on as much as you like?"

Snape's look was one normally given to a particularly dim-witted child who has just said something clever. "Precisely, Mr Potter. Rule number one. I top. Exclusively."

Once again Harry's smile threatened to split his face into two. He whistled happily.

Snape expelled a breath he didn't know he had been holding. He'd thought that bit was going to be rather trickier than anything else. Who could have calculated the Boy-Who-Would-Not-Fucking-Die was a bottom? Of course Snape had no intention of not shagging Potter at this point, top or bottom, but Potter didn't need to know that.

"Good." Snape looked repressively at Harry's wide grin. "Rule number two. You will not, under any circumstances, tell anybody about this."

"As if I would. Can't you just imagine the expression on Ron's face?" Harry giggled.

Snape shuddered. "Please, Potter, do not mention Weasley during a conversation about sex ever again. Continuing to do so will cause the Potions Mister," Snape snorted and Harry laughed out loud, "to go to sleep and never rise again. By the way, you might want to prepare yourself for the fact that there is nothing little about my "little friend""

"Oh goody!" Harry squealed.

One well-shaped eyebrow shot up Snape's forehead. "How old are you, Potter?"

Harry batted his eyelashes. "How old would you like me to be, Severus?"

 _Ignore that._ "Rule number three . . ."

Snape shivered as he felt Harry's fingers trail slowly down his back.

"You were saying, Severus?" Harry's hand cupped around Snape's arse.

"Sod the rules," Snape croaked. "Forest, NOW, POTTER!"


	2. In the Forbidden Forest

Without a backward glance, Harry took off in the direction of the forest. His day had just gotten immeasurably better. The vernal sun was warm on his bare chest and back. A gentle breeze tousled his already unruly hair. The meadow grass was pleasantly springy under his bare feet. Harry whistled happily. The only thing better than skiving off one of Snape's detentions was doing it so he could shag the greasy git.

 _I'm going to shag that snarky, sexy bastard to within an inch of his life. Or, he's going to shag me within an inch of mine. If I had known this was Snape's idea of appropriate punishment, I would have mowed down the entire garden a week ago._

In a burst of exuberance Harry turned a cartwheel.

From fifty feet back, Snape watched the sunlight play off the boy's golden torso. "He looks," Snape mused, "like a small child out for an afternoon's frolic," the professor grimaced, "which is a little too close to the truth for complete comfort. Ah well, _carpe diem_ , or perhaps I should say _carpe puerum_." Snape's little witticism caused his lips to curl upward as he took off after the boy.

The professor's much longer steps allowed him to catch up to Potter in short order. As he approached, he noticed the light breeze and Potter's easy walk had combined to dry the sweat that had so recently provided a very pleasing sheen to the boy's skin. That would never do.

"Stop dawdling, Potter. Tempus fugit," Snape growled as he passed Harry and increased the length of his own strides. Harry had to hustle to keep up.

"Oy, Snape! Where's the fire? I'm really working up a sweat here."

"Quite," Snape said silkily and lengthened his stride even further.

"I'd think you'd be dying under those black robes." Harry was practically running to keep up with his professor. Heavy perspiration once again made his upper body looks as if it had been well oiled.

 _Only an approaching "little death", Potter._

"Apparently handling that hoe all week has only served to diminish your strength." Snape sneered.

Harry looked indignant. "Don't call Draco a . . . oh. You meant in the garden."

Snape's eyes practically glazed over.

 _Well, well. Potter and that little minx . . . The brat should be careful. Draco could give new meaning to the term Death Eater. Hmm. Best not go there just now . . ._

Snape glared and walked on in silence. Harry trotted beside him.

It was almost ten minutes later that Snape halted their journey, just before they passed into the dense shadow of the trees. Harry's chest heaved as he bent at the waist, one hand on his knee, the other clutching his side as he gasped for breath.

 _Don't drool - glare!_

"It would be a good idea to have your wand out and ready when we enter the forest, Potter."

"I'll feel a right idiot with it flopping in the wind before I need it."

"You're a right idiot, regardless. Your wand, Potter. Your _wand_. You do have it with you, don't you?"

"Eleven inches, nice and supple." Harry's leer was somewhat ruined by his gasps for breath.

Snape's own breath caught in his throat at the boy's words. _Don't be ridiculous, he wouldn't even be able to stand upright._ Snape couldn't help a momentary pang of regret as Harry pulled his holly and phoenix feather wand from his pocket. _Get a grip, Severus. Raise eyebrow, curl lip. Sneer man, sneer._

Snape's lip curled in a derisive sneer as he looked at the panting boy. "I would expect a Quidditch twit to be in better shape, Potter."

"You didn't have to walk so bloody fast. It's not my fault I have short legs."

"I pray your legs are your _only_ shortcomings, Potter."

"Only two of my legs are short, Severus." Harry sniggered.

"Mmm." Snape's gaze moved up and down Harry's body, settling finally on the denim-covered crotch. "We're about to ascertain the veracity of that declaration, Mr Potter." Snape tore his eyes away from the half-clad boy, quickly scanning the row of trees and the deep gloom beyond. "This way I think," he said, choosing a path that bisected a heavy stand of ancient oaks.

In spite of himself, Harry shivered. The last time he had been in the forest at the same time as Snape, Quirrel had the Dark Lord sprouting from his head. Although Harry hadn't realized that then. At the time he had thought Snape the villain.

 _Mmmm. So hard to resist a bad boy. But hey, I don't have to resist!_ Harry shivered again, with pleasure this time.

"Cold, Potter?"

"Not hardly."

They had arrived in a shadowy clearing. The dense canopy of trees allowed only dim light to penetrate. Here and there heavy tree limbs brushed the ground. A thick, pale green moss that seemed to glow covered a large portion of the landscape. Snape's eyes made a slow pass around the clearing, taking everything in.

"This should suit admirably."

" _Finally!_ " Harry gasped and threw himself bodily at his professor.

The frenzied boy began to plant feverish kisses on Snape's robe-covered collarbone - all his lips could reach. With a groan of frustration, Harry reached up, locked both hands behind Snape's neck, and dragged the man's head down to lip level.

The forest was completely silent except for rather moist sounding moans and happy, gasping sighs as tongues clashed and lips joined a mutual admiration society. Snape curved his much taller body around the boy's. His hands slid easily up and down Harry's sweaty back, lightly massaging work-tensed muscles. Harry ground his belly appreciatively against Snape's groin, massaging the equally tense Potions Mister. One kiss turned into two and two into twenty before Snape finally, reluctantly, disengaged Harry's hands.

"This won't do at all, Potter. My neck and back are about to break."

 _Adjourning to my chambers might have been a better idea after all. The brat would be taller lying down. To think it never occurred to me to bring a box upon which he could stand._

Snape had a good eight or nine inches on the boy.

 _I wonder . . ._ Snape looked around the clearing. "Stay here, Potter. I'm going to take a look around."

Harry ignored his professor's instructions and followed him, impeding the man's progress by rubbing all over him like a rutting lemur.

"Enough! Just give me a minute. Go stand over there!" Frustration made Snape a bit snappish.

Harry pouted and whimpered pitifully but dutifully trotted over to the tree Snape had indicated. Thinking to hurry things along when Snape returned, he shucked off his jeans, enjoying the feeling of the cool air caressing his needy prick. With a sigh Harry folded his arms against the tree and pressed his forehead to them.

 _If that sodding bastard doesn't come back quickly, I'm going to be reduced to humping this tree._

Harry considered that thought for a moment, then thrust experimentally against the tree trunk. _Interesting. Somewhat painful, but interesting._ He experimented a few more times before deciding splinters could seriously impede his afternoon's fun. He stopped and glanced back over his shoulder to see where Snape had got to. The lanky professor was circling the far edge of the clearing. _Well, at least he's headed back this way. What the devil is he looking for?_ Harry shifted his feet, spreading his legs, wiggled his arse provocatively, and waited. And waited. And waited.

"Er, whenever you're ready, Severus," he called impatiently without raising his head from its resting place.

There was no immediate response and then, a moment later, Harry shivered as he felt a warm tongue running over the sensitive skin behind his knees. _How does he **do** that? I didn't hear him at all. Oooh, I can hear him now though!_ Heavy breathing accompanied the long, slow tongue lashing across the back of his legs.

"Why Severus, your kinky side is showing. Ohhh. That's nice. That's very nice." Harry felt as if his legs might collapse any second. He wriggled. "Nobody's ever licked the backs of my knees before. I never knew that could feel so incredible! I guess age and experience have taught you a few tricks, eh?"

Harry moaned loudly as the wet tongue made broad strokes across his thighs and then skipping his bum entirely ( _tease!_ ), moved up to the small of his back. Long, enthusiastic licks laved his sweaty back. "Oh yes, daddy! Right . . . ohhhh . . . right there." Harry writhed as a particularly sensitive spot was lavished with attention.

"Potter, what are you nattering on about now?" Snape called from mid-way across the clearing.

Harry froze. Snape's voice sounded from _much_ too far away.

Harry twisted his head around to look. "Ewwww. Fang! That's disgusting!" Fang's tongue swabbed Harry's ear. "Get off me!" The boarhound's tail wagged excitedly as he jumped on the boy, knocking him arse over tea kettle. Fang pounced playfully, his entire body wagging deliriously. Harry managed to throw his arms up just in time to protect his face from nasty, smelly, slimy dog kisses.

"Well, well, Potter. I would never have pegged you for that particular perversion," Snape said dryly as he approached the dog-clad boy.

A blush spread like fire across Harry's chest, neck, and face.

 _What an enticing shade of Gryffindor red._

"FANG! GEROFF HIM! YOU GREAT BLOODY OAF!"

Severus flinched. _Damn!_

Rubeus Hagrid, Hogwarts' immense gamekeeper, appeared at the far edge of the clearing. "FANG! GEROFF! Hagrid ran toward them, giant strides gobbling up the distance. He lunged at Fang, caught him by the scruff, and yanked the slobbering beast back. His mouth fell open at the sight of Harry's naked body.

 _Ah yes, Hagrid was a Gryffindor as well. It is a lovely shade of red._

Something very much like a sob escaped Hagrid's throat.

Snape wasn't sure if he should laugh, cry, or run off screaming into the forest.

 _You had better think quickly and pray for help, Severus._

"Harry, are yeh all right? Did Fang hurt yeh?" Worry, with a hint of something else, could plainly be seen in Hagrid's beetle black eyes - practically the only feature that could be seen in his heavily bearded face. At his side Fang trembled with excitement.

"Harry," Hagrid continued slowly, "where are yer clothes?"

 _Right. Severus, you're on._

"Potter," Snape interrupted, pleased to note that his voice - while perhaps just a bit higher than usual - sounded deadly and calm, "so good of you to finally join me." His black eyes glittered coldly.

Still on the ground, Harry trembled convincingly under Snape's stern gaze.

Fang whined and tugged at the large hand restraining him.

"You're late, Potter!" Snape snapped. "I expected you 15 minutes ago." His lip curled unpleasantly as he sneered down at the boy. "I am quite sure the Headmaster did not advise you to arrive nude!" _Although I wouldn't put it past that nutter, if he had actually orchestrated this._

Harry wisely repressed a laugh and tried to look guilty.

Fang, still desperate to frolic with his second favorite human in the world, continued to struggle in Hagrid's grip. The boarhound's excited barking echoed loudly through the wood.

 _About bloody time, you stupid, sodding, useless mutt!_ Snape felt almost helpless with relief. _About time I got some bloody **help** for once in my life._

"HAGRID, YOU MORON," Snape screamed. "SILENCE THAT HELL HOUND!"

Hagrid flinched and Fang cowered.

 _That might have been just the tiniest bit over the top. He is, however regrettably, a fellow teacher._

Snape modulated his voice. "There are rumors that Red Caps have been seen in the area," he hissed. "The Headmaster enlisted Potter and myself to track them down. As I am loathe to spend any more time with Potter than absolutely necessary. . ." Snape ignored Harry's pout, ". . .I don't want them to hide any deeper in the forest than they all ready have."

 _Ooh! Quick thinking, Severus! Trust a Slytherin to come up with a workable lie so quickly._

Fang started baying again.

"MUZZLE THAT OVER-FED CRUP AND GET. HIM. OUT. OF. HERE. NOW!" Snape's voice had crept back to its upper register.

Hagrid looked warily from Snape to Harry. Harry gave his friend a reassuring nod and smiled weakly, trying to indicate that he was fine and Hagrid should just leave.

"Sorry ter cause all this fuss, Professor Snape. Me and Fang'll jus' be gettin' along. Sure yer all right then, Harry?" The gamekeeper's eyes roamed the naked body on the ground and then he blushed again.

Harry nodded fervently. Reluctantly, Hagrid tugged Fang's collar and started to drag him back the way he had come.

Snape watched with narrowed, malevolent eyes until he was sure the gamekeeper was gone. He turned back to Harry who was still on the ground.

"Well, Potter," he said, his familiar sneer pulling his thin lips even thinner, "Draco is bad enough, but a romantic liaison with a dog?"

Harry spluttered. "Th-that's _disgusting_ , Snape. I never! Fang and I are just friends! Seriously!"

"Seriously. Ah yes, that's where it all started is it? With your dogfather?"

"Belt it, Snape!" Harry said, irritably. "You're alone in the forest with an _extremely_ randy, naked boy, on his back in front of you. Do you really want to be reminding him of Sirius and his leather pants?" Harry emphasized his argument with a provocative thrust.

"Much as I am loathe to say it, Potter, you have a point." Snape's eyes were considerably warmer than they had been. He looked at Harry as a starving man would greet the Leaving Feast. Harry's cock jauntily waved "hello" back. Snape licked his lips. "Let's see if we can make use of that point, shall we?"

 _It really is an admirable point. A point any man could be proud of. He exaggerated a bit about his lack of shortcomings, still it's quite . . . satisfactory._

Snape trembled slightly and licked his lips again.

"Shall I come up there, or will you come down here?" Harry asked, breathily.

"Hopefully before we're done, we'll each have done both."

"Ohhh," Harry whimpered, "do you really have that much stamina?"

"Muggles didn't invent Viagra you know."

Harry looked confused.

"A potion, Potter. I've taken a potion. I am the Potions master after all," Snape said with a disdainful smile.

"Hope that's not the only thing you're a master of, Sevvie."

This time Snape's glare was genuinely malevolent. _Uh oh, Harry._ "If you _ever_ call me that again, _Mister_ Potter, I will cut off all your favorite bits and deliver them personally to the Dark Lord."

Harry flinched. _Oh, that's just plain mean, Snape. Right. Snape. Mean. Imagine that. No, don't imagine that. Imagine that later._

Harry shivered and swallowed hard. "Right. Absolutely, Severus. Never again." Harry's voice came out in a squeak. He cleared his throat and tried again. "So, where were we. Oh yes. You - up there. Me - down here. How about, just this once, I meet you half-way?" Harry asked, scrambling to his knees. He wasted no time raising the hem of Snape's robe and diving under.

"Ooh, Professor Snape, you naughty, naughty man. Underwear in the wash, is it? It's a good thing I never suspected you were storming around starkers under your robe or there would have been more things exploding in Potions class than Neville's cauldron." Harry's voice was muffled under Snape's robes. "It's dark under here, I can't see a thing, but, ohhhh, I can feel plenty!"

Snape's head snapped back on his neck and he closed his eyes in ecstasy as a hot tongue probed his third eye. _Really, it was an innocent mistake. Anyone might have called me . . ._ Snape couldn't even think the word. _No point in staying mad at the boy._ Sharp teeth followed lightly in the tongue's wake. Somebody groaned. Wet suckling sounds oozed out from under Snape's robes. This time it was definitely Snape who groaned.

"By the gods, Severus, the boys in the shower room must've nicknamed you "Tripod". You're hung like a ruddy horse!"

Harry started making "yummy" noises. Snape was overwhelmed with the need to _watch_ the boy . . . _Oh gods yesss. Right there! Just like that!_ . . . ministering to the needy Potions Mister.

The professor's normally graceful fingers scrabbled inelegantly at his collar, frantically trying to undo the buttons of his robe. One button. Two buttons. _Oh, damn it! This is taking far too long._ Snape grabbed his collar in both hands and yanked. Buttons three and four went flying but it still wasn't enough to allow the robe over his head. _I really must start to utilize the school gymnasium. This is absurd. This is maddening!_ Another violent tug sent button five flying after three and four. It was enough. Barely.

Panting harshly, Snape grabbed the hem of his robe and pulled it up over his head and down his arms, where it would go no further. His hands were effectively trapped behind him by his still unbuttoned cuffs. _Stupid, sodding buttons! Stupid, sodding **fashion statements**! Stupid, sodding Wizarding clothes. What's wrong with Muggle clothing? Zip, snap, and drop, they come right off!_ Snape whimpered.

Harry looked up, hot mouth still enveloping Snape's throbbing cock. He giggled at Snape's predicament and the Potions Mister slipped out of the warm, wet sheath where he belonged. Snape whined.

"Now that's the Severus Snape we all know and love. So very _restrained_ ," Harry patted Snape's bald-headed-bandit lovingly, "and so very,very rigid."

Snape glared and hissed, "Five hundred points from Gryffindor, Potter. Get that insolent mouth back to work this instant or you'll be serving detentions from now until Merlin's return!"

"Not much of a threat there, Severus. I might remind you I'm serving detention right now." Potter smiled widely.

The smile was a tactical error. Snape's hands may have been rendered useless but there was nothing wrong with his hips. He growled and thrust forward, his thick cock driving effortlessly back into Harry's mouth.

Perhaps the smile wasn't a tactical error after all. Harry gurgled happily. His teeth did something wicked to the dripping crown of Snape's cock, while simultaneously his tongue traced a long, _exquisitely_ slow trail along the thick vein on the underside of the shaft. Tongue and teeth reunited at the weeping tip. Harry kept just the head in his mouth and suckled it gently, tongue probing the tiny slit.

"Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods." All of Snape's usual eloquence had fled.

Harry took a deep breath and drove his mouth all the way down until his lips brushed wiry black hair. At the same time he cupped Snape's balls in one hand and rolled them back and forth in their sac.

Then he swallowed.

The ripple of Harry's throat muscles sent Snape over the edge. He howled inarticulately and, with no more warning than that, spurted jet after jet of thick fluid deep into Harry's gut. Harry continued to lick and suck and swallow and tease with lip and tongue and teeth until the last salty drops of Snape's seed had been milked out.

The Potions Mister slipped away from Harry's mouth, limp and very, very happy. Snape, feeling as if he had been hit with a jelly-legs curse, slid to the ground.

"Hmmm," said Harry, "must all your potions be bitter? A bit of advice, Severus. Less asparagus, more plums."

The corners of Snape's mouth twitched.

Harry gently rubbed his thumb over the scarlet tip of Snape's penis.

"Looks like we've found the Red Cap after all, Severus. Dumbledore will be _so_ pleased, when I tell him." Harry grinned. "If you look around a bit, I'm sure you could find another one."

"Potter."

"Hmm?"

"Nothing." Snape shook his head. "Just . . . Potter."

 _Snape. Speechless. I don't know which is better. Snape howling or Snape speechless._

"You sounded a bit like Remus at the full moon there, Severus."

"Shut it. Idiot boy."

Harry smiled - coming from Snape, in that voice, it could almost be interpreted as a declaration of eternal love.

Harry grinned and leaned forward, open mouthed, and pressed his lips to his professor's. Snape tasted himself on the boy's tongue. He shivered and thrust his own tongue into the boy's mouth. Snape moved like a Seeker chasing the golden snitch - darting in and out, this way and that, searching out every last drop of come lingering in the boy's mouth.

"Let's get you out of those robes, Severus."

Snape struggled to an upright position, not an easy task without the use of his hands. His heart still pounded in his chest, and his lungs were still unable to draw in a meaningful amount of air. Harry struggled to untangle his professor from the binding robes - not an easy task either.

"Oh for the love of . . . I'm sure you've been asked this ad nauseum, but are you or are you not a Wizard, Potter?"

"What?"

"Stop wasting time, you simpleton. Where is your wand?" _It's a shame Granger's not a good looking boy. She wouldn't be this stupid._ Snape shuddered. _I did not just think of Granger in that context. I think I might be ill._

Harry grinned. "Got my wand right here, Severus." He slowly fisted his cock. "Should I work a little magic on you?"

"You'll be performing wandless magic for the rest of your life if you don't get me out of these robes immediately."

 _Humourless bastard._

Harry stretched towards his discarded jeans and pulled his wand from the pocket. A quick cutting motion and mumbled spell caused Snape's robes to fall away in shreds on the ground.

The sudden release of the restraining robes caused the panting professor to fall forward right into Harry's lap. Snape gently patted Harry's rampant penis, making it bob up and down. "I'll be with you shortly, Snitch. Just give me a minute. I seem to be a bit dazed."

"Snitch?" Harry gave a delighted little laugh. "Which position do you play, Severus? Seeker? Keeper?" Harry simpered. "I'm hoping you're a Beater myself."

 _Oh merciful ancestors. Does he mean what I think he means? Or does he mean . . ._

"I don't know what you're thinking, Severus, but I know you're over thinking it."

Harry wiggled out from under the still stunned man and then pulled Snape down onto the soft, luminescent moss.

Snape reached for the Snitch again. Harry batted his hand away.

"Not yet, Severus. I haven't fully paid my debt for cutting down that valuable plant."

Snape felt a twinge of something that could not possibly be guilt. He pulled Harry into a kiss. He traced his tongue over Harry's lips, then slowly licked and kissed across the boy's jaw line up to his ear. Snape blew warm breath into Harry's ear and followed it with a thick, wet tongue.

Snape pulled back suddenly making a choking sound.

"What's wrong, Severus?"

Snape made another choking sound. "Dog spit," he hissed, and spat several times onto the ground.

Harry doubled up with laughter. Not surprisingly, Severus didn't laugh. He did, however, smile. More hot kisses followed, although it was a bit hard to do through matching silly-twit grins.

Taking Snape's limp cock in hand, Harry smiled and said, "Let's see if we can get the Potions Mister to wake up again." He couldn't close his hand around the thickness. "Severus, I was wrong and you were right. There is _nothing_ little about him."

Harry laid down next to Snape and pressed his still slightly boy-soft belly against Snape's side. His hand lazily trailed through the sparse black hair on Snape's chest and then traced along the only slightly thicker treasure trail from navel to groin.

"Pretty far up on the evolutionary scale, aren't you Snape? Hardly any hair at all."

Snape rolled his eyes.

Harry's hand followed the trail of black hair back up Snape's body. Fingernails scratched pleasantly through chest hair and then dragged a little more firmly across nipples. Snape gave a tiny moan.

"You like that, Severus?"

Snape answered with another tiny moan.

Harry's fingernails scraped more firmly across Snape's nipples, digging into the tender flesh. An almost inhuman guttural groan sounded deep in Snape's throat and he arched up in pleasure, pushing into Harry's hand.

Harry watched raptly as Snape's nipples erected, watch the puckered aureole shrink, drawn almost completely upward until there was no more rosy brown ring, just two stiff points, all nipple. He lowered his head and lightly grazed a hardened nub with his teeth, just to hear Snape moan again. Then, without warning, he sucked the nipple between his lips and bit down hard.

Snape screamed and pulled away before immediately arching upward again toward Harry's hungry mouth. Pain and pleasure caused Severus to buck his hips, vainly thrusting against nothing at all. The not-so-little Potions Mister was reawakening. Harry slapped Snape's cock with the flat of his hand and then ground down hard, giving the man something to thrust against. Snape screamed again, writhing in heated agony.

Harry nipped and sucked and licked and chewed each of Snape's nipples in turn, making sure they both received equal attention. He tugged on Snape's cock with rough, uneven strokes, twisting and pulling and _savaging_ it.

"Oh gods, Potter. You fucking evil, evil boy." Snape's voice was a needy, _hungry_ whine. Harry had taken a nipple between his molars. Snape's other nipple was being massacred between a calloused thumb and forefinger. Harry drew Snape's tight foreskin fully over the plum-colored head of his cock and pinched it closed. Snape bucked violently and a pearlescent stream of come leaked from the closed tip and oozed over Harry's fingers.

"Fuck. . .Gods. . .Stop. . .Please. . .No. . .More. . .FUCK!"

Harry didn't stop.

Finally, just as Snape couldn't possible bear even another second, Harry removed fingers and mouth from the tortured nipples. Exquisite needles of pain shot through them as blood rushed into long-denied capillaries. Snape had to take several shuddering breaths before he could look at his own chest. Half expecting gnawed, bloody stumps, he was surprised to see his nipples were intact. They stood up, hard, swollen, almost purple, and glistening with saliva. Snape took several more deep breaths.

"Evil is too kind a word for you, Potter."

"Liked that did you?"

"I bloody fucking loved it. How did you happen not to notice?" _I did not just admit that._

"I couldn't pay attention to _you_. I was paying attention to _them_." Harry sniggered. "Bloody fucking wonderful nipples, Snape. I wanted to eat them up."

Snape grimaced. "I was rather afraid you had."

Harry lightly touched a fingertip to a swollen nipple. Snape hissed through clenched teeth but didn't try to draw away.

"I thought you said you only topped, Severus."

"Yes. Well. . ."

"Just butch in the streets but femme in the sheets, eh Snape?"

Snape glared.

"Just a greedy little slut bottom?"

Harry pressed his come-streaked hand across Snape's mouth and smiled at the snake-like tongue that licked it clean.

Under the circumstances it was a little hard for Severus to argue with Harry. That, of course, didn't stop him from trying.

"I will remind you, Potter, that regardless of our relative positions, _you_ are servicing _me_."

"Right, Severus. You just keep telling yourself that." Harry grinned impertinently.

"How's that potion working for you, Severus?"

"Merlin, Potter. You are bloody insatiable."

"I think you're projecting a little, Severus. I haven't even _been_ satiated yet, now have I?" Harry looked fondly down at the Snitch bobbing happily against his belly. "As soon as you've got your breath back we can play a bit of Quidditch. I'll let you be the Seeker. I'll let you catch the snitch. Perhaps in exchange, you can let me ride your broomstick, what?"

"You are wearing this metaphor a little thin, boy."

Harry batted his lashes. "I'd rather be wearing you thin, Severus."

Harry sprawled comfortably over Snape's abdomen, careful this time to not touch the man's still swollen nipples. He blew a raspberry against Snape's navel and to his complete shock, Snape giggled.

Harry blinked - and blew another raspberry. Snape giggled again and squirmed out from underneath the boy's dead weight.

"Stop that!" Snape snarled.

"Oh my god! You're ticklish! Wait till I tell Ron and Hermione and Neville and Seamus. . ."

"Potter." Snape's eyes glittered evilly for a moment - until Harry blew another raspberry - and then he giggled again.

"That," said Snape through gritted teeth, "is _not_ the road to your ultimate satisfaction, imbecile."

"Dumbledore! Does Dumbledore know? Oh god, he'll be delighted."

Snape glowered.

Harry collapsed, giggling hysterically, across Snape's groin. The Potions Mister twitched interestedly.

"Oooh. I think you're wrong Snape. Look. My satisfaction awakes."

Even Snape was impressed at his recovery time. _I really should think about patenting that potion._

"Sev'rus," Harry mumbled around a mouthful of only slightly sleepy Potions Mister, "what were you doing before?"

Severus whimpered as Harry gently, very gently, licked down his over-sensitized shaft.

"Sev'rus?"

 _Gods. Does the imp never shut up?_

"Hmm?" Harry's non-verbal inquiry rippled softly across soft skin.

Snape moaned so Harry asked again. "Hmm?"

Snape didn't answer, hoping Potter would ask a third time. No luck.

"Potter?"

"Hmm?"

 _Oh yesss. Just like that!_

"What was I doing when?"

Harry removed his mouth from Snape's cock. "Before Fang, when you left me alone."

Snape laughed. "I was looking for an appropriate box substitute."

"What?" Harry's head disappeared between Snape's thighs. Silken lips caressed taught balls.

"Potter. How do you expect me to hold a conversation when you're doing _that_?

Harry licked his way back up and rested his chin on Snape's groin. "Sorry, Severus. What was I thinking?"

"I did _not_ mean stop licking, you impossible ninny! I meant, "shut up"!" _I should just strangle the brat._

"No, really. What do you mean, "box substitute"?"

Severus sighed. "If I tell you will you go back to doing _that_?"

"What, this?" Harry lapped at Snape's balls again.

"Yessss!" Snape could have been speaking parseltongue.

"She-brus?" Harry inquired around a mouthful of family jewels.

" _What_?!"

"Boxsh?"

"It's impolite to speak with your mouth full, Potter."

"Easily rectified, Severus." Harry's head resurfaced from between Snape's thighs.

"You are not going to be the Boy-Who-Lived for very much longer, Potter." Snape pushed Harry's head back down. "If you stop again before I tell you to, you vexatious idiot . . ." The threat turned into a gasp when Harry's tongue made a long, slow sweep of the cleft of Snape's arse. _Not such an idiot. Brilliant, really. Really, really brilliant._

"The box," Snape gasped, "is no longer relevant. We can discuss it later."

Harry's tongue probed Severus' entrance. Snape almost melted. A spit-slicked finger followed in the wake of the wily tongue.

"Oh, by all the gods in their merciful heaven, yessss . . . **NO**!" Snape pushed himself backward, away from Harry.

 _Hey!_ Snape's private parts protested.

 _No! If I submit again I'll never hear the end of it. It's time for **me** to fuck **him**._

 _Ohh. That's alright then.Say no more.Fuck away._

"Shut up!"

"I didn't say anything," Harry protested.

"I wasn't talking to you."

Harry's look of confusion was replaced by dismay as Snape said, "Stand up, Potter."

"But I was enjoying that."

"Hmm. At least one of us was," Snape lied. "Up, Potter. I top, remember?"

"That's right, Severus." Harry had the effrontery to laugh.

"Unless you had rather I didn't," Snape snarled. _Say no, say no, say no_ , chanted the Snape family jewels.

"No. Please. By all means." Harry said from the ground.

"Up, Potter."

"I _am_ up, Severus. Hadn't you noticed?" Harry was batting his eyelashes again.

"On your _feet_ , Potter."

 _Really, rolling your eyes like that should hurt._ Harry grabbed Snape's hand and pulled himself up.

Snape sadly trailed a long finger down Harry's unsweaty chest.

"I don't suppose you'd be interested in doing a few calisthenics, Potter?"

"Calisthenics? Now? You're daft."

"Hmm. I was afraid not. No matter. We can rectify the problem in other ways."

Snape took the boy by the hand and led him toward an ancient oak with low hanging branches.

"Up you go, lad."

"What? You want to do it in a tree? You're a little twisted, Severus. I think Lord Thingy has cast a few too many Unforgivables on you. Damaged your mind."

"I'll damage you if you don't do as you're told, Potter. _We're_ not getting in the tree. _You_ are going to lay across that branch."

"Why?" Harry sounded petulant.

"Box substitute, Potter. If I had been in my right mind I would have thought of this sooner."

"Again with the box substitute. Now you really do have to explain."

Snape sighed. "Not to put too fine a point on it, Potter, you might best be described as well over three feet."

"Hey!"

Snape ignored him. "I have eight or nine inches on you, Potter, and no inclination to break my back or any other part while trying to accost you."

"Well just shut up then and get those eight or nine inches _in_ me and we'll both be happier."

"Bottoms up, elf," said Snape, pushing the boy chest down over the tree branch. He surveyed the effect and shook his head. "Scoot up a little."

Harry obligingly struggled further onto the tree branch, enjoying the feeling of the cool, moss covered bark on his overheated genitals.

Snape stood behind the boy and, without touching him, thrust his hips forward experimentally. "Yes, that should suit admirably."

 _This is ridiculous. My feet don't even touch the ground. Leave it to a selfish git to...ohhh._

Harry whimpered as Snape's agile tongue penetrated deeper into his arse than should have been possible. Snape paused momentarily, working up more saliva in his mouth before using his tongue to push spit into the boy's pulsing arse.

"Bloody marvelous, Severus. Do that again! Ohhhh, that's even better than you licking the back of my knees."

"I'll thank you not to mistake me for your other paramours and remind you it was not I licking the back of your knees, imbecile. It was that accursed mongrel!" Snape was deeply affronted.

"That's right. Simple mistake, really. Fang. Snake. Snape. It could happen to anybody."

"Let's see if this reminds you of your dog friend as well."

Snape eased his cockhead into Harry's arse, panting a little at the heat and tightness of the boy. Harry gasped and clamped down hard.

"Gods!" Snape yelped. "Don't do that! You'll break it off!"

Harry's laugh allowed the muscles to relax a bit. Not one to waste an opportunity, Snape began a very long, very slow slide, not hesitating for an instant until he was buried balls deep.

"Ohhh, Merlin!" Harry and Snape groaned at the same time.

Snape noticed a light sheen of sweat was forming on Harry's back. He leaned down and licked along the boy's spine, savoring the saltiness.

Harry writhed and ground his cock into the tree branch.

Snape trailed his tongue from bony shoulder-blade to bony shoulder-blade and then planted an open-mouthed kiss beneath the one on the right. Kiss turned into suckle turned into bite turned into gnaw and back into suckle. Snape's tongue snaked out and caressed the resultant abrasion.

"Oh my god, oh my godohmygodohmygod." Harry was a wreck. He arched his back, pushing desperately against Snape's mouth. "Again. More. Please. Please."

"I like it when you beg, Potter."

Harry couldn't see Snape's wolfish smile but he knew it was there. Then he didn't know anything at all because Snape moved his mouth two inches down and did it again. Long-fingered hands curled around his chest and rubbed aggressively across his nipples.

Four, five, six, seven tortuous sucking bites and Harry began to feel as if his back was on fire. Eight, nine, ten, and now there was more gnaw than suck and no kisses at all. Harry was whimpering and pushing, pushing against that hot mouth, those sharp teeth, the maddening light touches of tongue. Clever fingers pinched and pulled and twisted his nipples. He bucked frantically against the tree moaning in frustration. It was impossible to push back against the invading cock while arching up to the voracious mouth while grinding down trying to bring himself off. _So close. So close. . ._

Severus' slow thrusts into Harry's arse were a torturous counterpoint to the burning action of mouth and fingers. Long, languorous slides that scratched an itch deep inside but which need to be _faster, harder, Gods please!_

"FUCK ME HARDER, YOU BASTARD!"

Snape ignored him.

Harry whimpered. Soft moss, rough bark, calloused fingers, hot mouth, languid slide. _So close. So close._

Then it stopped.

"You're too close, Mr Potter," Snape said cooly as he pulled himself away from a very frantic Harry. "You won't come until I tell you to. Is that clear?"

 _BASTARD! YOU SODDING BASTARD!_

"Yes, anything, _anything_ , just let me come, _please_."

Snape eased Harry from the tree branch. Snape winced in sympathy as the boy gasped. Harry's rock hard cock dragged painfully against the branch on the way down. It wasn't nearly as pleasant without all the other sensations.

"Turn around, Harry."

Harry didn't move. For a moment he didn't realize who Severus was talking to. _Me. He means me. He called me Harry._ His mouth fell open.

"Oh do stop gaping like a landed fish, Potter." Snape's large hands had taken Harry by the shoulders and turned him around. "It was a momentary lapse. It shan't happen again.  
"Now, where were we? Ah, yes."

Snape pushed Harry back against the tree. He angled his own body so that Harry had no place to push against him.

"Hands behind your back, Potter, and keep them there." Snape's voice was low and threatening.

Harry gulped and nodded. Black eyes met green and Snape licked his lips slowly. Harry barely had time to gulp again before mouth, teeth, tongue, fingers and thumbs attacked his chest. He arched into his professor.

"Can you come this way, Potter? Just from this?" Snape took one enlarged nipple between his teeth and bit gently. "And this?" He gnawed at the skin in the center of Harry's chest. "If I don't touch your cock will you still come for me?"

Harry moaned as sharp teeth turned his chest into a battlefield of dark red bruises. Snape's hands roamed his body above the waist, brushing down his sides, into his armpits, tracing his rib cage, his collarbone, but always returning to stroke his nipples. Harry's breath was ragged, as was Snape's. A steady stream of pre-come connected the boy's cock to the ground beneath his feet.

 _Gods yesss. So close. So close. So close. Now! Let me come NOW!_

"Now, Harry," Snape commanded. "I want you to come for me now, boy."

Harry thrust his hips forward violently against nothing at all and the first jet of thick white fluid pumped out of him. Before the second pulse, Snape was on his knees in front of the boy, sucking the needy Snitch deep into his mouth.

 _Ah Gods! Sweet. Salt. Boy. Man. I am so fucking glad I'm homosexual!_ Snape groaned around his mouthful of boycock.

Harry writhed with pleasure. _Sweet Jesus, Severus! So wet, so hot. Why didn't I discover this when I was eleven?_

Snape took the Snitch into his throat, not wanting to waste a drop. _So hard, so hot! Why didn't I discover this when he was eleven?_

"Just a greedy little slut bottom, Potter? That was the expression you used, wasn't it?" Snape's voice was a cruel sneer, but he was smiling. "You're such a good little bottom boy. Coming with nothing touching your prick at all." Snape stroked Harry's chest.

Harry looked down at the white hand that looked even paler against the mottled purple flesh that covered his torso. He winced. "Owww! I am going to have a bloody awful time explaining this in the Quidditch showers."

"Turnabout is fair play, boy. Perhaps next time you'll think twice before savaging my nipples."

"If that's you're idea of _revenge_ , Severus, it's a wonder the Dark Lord didn't kick you out of the Death Eaters."

Snape huffed. "We weren't a bleeding _club_ , you ridiculous excuse for a hero." He pinched bruised flesh between thumb and forefinger making Harry hiss. Snape's eyebrows met his hairline. "Just say it was a Potions accident, Potter. Nobody who knows you would ever doubt that story."

"Mmmm. That was no accident, you sexy bastard."

"Language, Potter."

Harry snorted. "You've just had your knob up my arse and you're telling me to watch my language? You really are a git."

"Indubitably, and you, you impertinent, irredeemable brat, are not nearly sweaty enough." Snape stroked one slim finger down Harry's chest. "The colour is quite nice against your tan, I must admit. Imagine how much nicer it would be against that unblemished arse." His other hand trailed languidly across that unblemished skin. "Beautiful really." Snape shook himself.

"Not bloody likely!" Harry scoffed. "Not after seeing what you've done to my chest. I expect I wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after you were through with my bum."

Snape almost hummed. "Well, however entrancing it is to wander unchecked through a garden of bright images, are we not enticing your mind from another subject of almost equal importance?"

 _Nobody, No-body talks like that. If he didn't have such a talented mouth I'd be tempted to gag him._

"You're doing your fish impersonation again, Potter."

"What did you say?"

"Your. Fish. Impersonation."

Harry let loose a deep, very exasperated sigh. "Before that, you pompous bas..."

Snape raised an eyebrow.

 _God, I love it when he does that!_ Harry almost melted.

"Sorry. Not a bastard. Not at all. So, that bright images thing. Translation?"

"You really should expand your reading beyond _Swish & Flick _, Potter. Kai Lung's Golden Hours, a book of Chinese. . ."

"Professor, we're standing here, bare bollocks swaying in the breeze, and you're trying to give me a lesson in _literature_?"

"Really, Potter, perhaps _I_ should be shagging Malfoy. He at least has a brain located above his waist."

Harry sniggered. "Yeah but the brain below his waist is _really_ tiny."

"Hmm. Like father like son, apparently. Pity."

"Yes, isn't it? I'm still waiting for my translation."

"Shagging, you moron." Snape gestured at his still erect cock. "The Potions Mister is begging for release."

" _That_ meant you want to shag? You really must get out more, Severus. Meet some people, learn to chat."

Snape glowered dangerously.

"Right then! Back up the tree is it?" Harry quickly suited action to words.

Neither Potions master nor Potions Mister were inclined to waste any more time. Snape put a hand up to Harry's mouth. "Spit."

"Beg pardon?"

"Spit, Potter. Unless you'd prefer I went back in there dry," Snape said dryly.

Harry spat.

Snape spat.

The Potions Mister drooled.

It was enough.

Snape put his cock to Harry's entrance and started another languorous slide into forbidden territory.

Harry moaned. "Oh god, Professor, that's better than taking my broom handle up my bum."

 _He can't possibly mean . . ._ Snape shuddered and thrust harder. _There are some images one just doesn't need. Although, upon reflection, that might not be one of them._

"You," _thrust_ "give," _thrust_ "new meaning," _thrust thrust_ "to the term" _thrust thrust thrust_ "Quidditch twit." Snape threw his head back. "Oh GODS, YESSSS!"

"Yesss," Harry echoed, somewhat weakly, as Snape's spunk boiled into him, and his own made a sticky mess of his moss-covered perch.

Even above their combined panting, Snape could hear the galloping of Harry's heart, startling loud in the quiet forest. He pressed his head against the boy's back wondering if he would be able to feel the thunderous beats as well as hear them.

Harry coughed. "Er, Severus. Remember how I said you were hung like a horse? It appears I was mistaken."

"Dissatisfied, Potter?" Snape sounded decidedly grumpy.

"Er, no, it's just . . ."

"Humans," said a deep, sorrowful voice.

 _Shite!_ Snape raised off Harry's chest, eyes wide with horror.

"Hello, Ronan." Harry said cheerily to the centaur standing over them.

Snape gaped at the red-headed, red-bearded, chestnut-bodied creature. _Oh that's just bloody marvelous. Your name wouldn't be Ronan Weasley, would it?_ Wisely, and uncharacteristically, Snape chose to remain silent.

"Hello, Harry Potter. You've grown since last I saw you."

Harry giggled. "Not half so big as I was just a minute ago."

Snape glowered. "Potter," he hissed, "you are the other half of a half-wit. Be quiet! This is no time for your insolent tongue!"

"Hah, you quite enjoyed my insolent tongue earlier," Harry whispered back.

"Why are you in our forest, humans?"

Harry reached back to lay a restraining hand on Snape before the indignant Potions master could say anything. "You don't want to say anything, Severus, trust me on this." The boy looked up at the centaur. "It's Spring, Ronan. We're just, er, you know. Say, are there girl centaurs?" Harry smiled impishly.

"Potter," Snape hissed again.

Ronan gazed around the clearing, pointedly not looking at the Potions master, still balls deep in his student. "We are as you see us, young one."

 _Funny, one never thinks of centaurs as poofs._ Harry chuckled. "So, you understand, right? Spring fever? Instructing the young?"

Snape groaned.

"The forest holds many secrets," said Ronan dolefully as he turned to walk away.

Harry giggled again.

Snape collapsed against Harry's back. "Perhaps the Forbidden Forest isn't quite so forbidden after all. Nonetheless, it is conceivable my chambers would have been the better choice."

~fin~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to bksncleverness for telling me that the way to say "seize the boy" in Latin is "carpe puerum". I stole "Swish & Flick" from Cybele; it's such a perfect title, I couldn't not. *bows down and humbly pays obeisance* "Kai Lung's Golden Hours" is by Ernest Bramah, and is in the public domain. Thanks to Stellahobbit and TXLorral for excellent beta work. All mistakes are, of course, my own.


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